California Man Arrested, Charged With Driving Under The Influence… Of Caffeine

~@ ??? is this the actions of an embarrassed cop… someone who just had to be right at all costs?? … How fishy is this… good grief!!… I think that when one drives erratically without being drunk, it is called ‘reckless driving’… Drive careful out there!!


Submitted by John Vibes vis,

38-year-old Joseph Schwab has been fighting a DUI for over a year, despite the fact that he was not under the influence of any illegal drugs at the time, he did, however, test positive for caffeine.

The Guardian reported that Schwab was pulled over last August by an officer who accused him of driving erratically.

Schwab was driving home from work when he was pulled over by an agent from the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, who was driving an unmarked vehicle. The agent said Schwab had cut her off and was driving erratically. The officer claims that Schwab cut her off and she gave him a breathalyzer which showed a blood alcohol content of 0.00%.

Unfortunately, the officer was still not convinced. So, she arrested him and took him to jail so his blood could be drawn for other drugs. His blood tests came back negative for all illegal drugs. But he did test positive for caffeine. For some reason, this was enough to charge Schwab with a DUI.

“I’ve never seen this before; I’ve never even heard of it.” Stacey Barrett, Schwab’s attorney said.


“I have not been provided with any evidence to support a theory of prosecution for a substance other than caffeine at this time. Nor I have received any statements, reports, etc documenting any ongoing investigation since the [toxicology report] dated 18 November 2015,” she added.


“No one believed me that I only had caffeine in my system until I showed them the lab results. I want the charges to be dismissed and my name to be cleared,” Schwab said.

The California legal code specifies that a “drug” is any substance other than alcohol that could impair a person’s driving, but there is no precedent for caffeine negatively affecting a person’s ability to drive. In fact, it is quite the opposite as caffeine is marketed in gas stations across the country as increasing alertness while on the roadways.

Jeffrey Zehnder, a forensic toxicologist interview by the Guardian, believes that the case against Schwab is extremely weak.

“It’s really stupid, If that’s the case, then they better come and arrest me,” Zehnder joked, adding that, “There are no studies that demonstrate that driving is impaired by caffeine, and they don’t do the studies, because no one cares about caffeine.”

What this case illustrates is the arbitrary nature of the state to use any reason possible to find a person guilty. The police state has claimed a right to search your most private property — your own blood. And, whatever they find inside it — can and will be used against you in a court of law.



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spastic_colon's picture

i thought CA seceded already

DeadFred's picture

Feels like it sometimes. I don’t recognize this place anymore

BabaLooey's picture

MORE proof that the ENTIRE “justice” system IS A BIG STEAMING PILE OF SHIT

fx's picture

They should declare the election void in CA then as well. At least we know now why so many snowflakes and 2nd- and 3rd class celebs and other morons keep voting for Dems and Killary over there no matter what. It’s the special California caffeine, stupid!

Life of Illusion's picture



Fizzy Head's picture

normally I’d be like.. are YOU F@#King kiddin me ? But now I’m like, I dont have enough prep supplies, and I sure as hell dont have enough free lead to hand out….

cayman's picture

Then Mehiko takes it over and we get an L-shaped wall.

fx's picture

they should seriously start testing all judges and state prosecutors for caffeine abuse. That may explain some, duh, “erratic behavior” on their part.

apadictionary's picture

thats so unacceptable and uncivilized. lock him up and suspend the licence for ever

finnzero's picture

Note to self: do not drink coffee. Opioids and amphetamine derivates will do but not coffee.

buzzsaw99's picture

california, the real flyover country.

Zest's picture

I think it makes total sense for california to be its own country.

css1971's picture

You mean just like mexico?

ZeroPoint's picture

I tell you what really happened. The automatic plate reader went off in her car with a prior DUI alert, and she thought she was going to get an easy A on her arrest record. 1984ish techniques now.

spastic_colon's picture

time to get rid of all my starbucks stock (that i do not own)……..joking aside i am sure the coffee lobby would never let this case set precedent; just look at tobacco.

wisebastard's picture

this is what happens when the government hires incompetent people who dont give a fuck………

wisebastard's picture

i spent 5 years on probation and the entire time it was a childish game of cat and mouse. it is a disgrace to the system. if they spent as much time actually helping people as they did playing childish games and mocking people there would not be any problems……its garbage in garbage out………..the government engages in propaganda to demoralize the community and create a culture of crime and dependance and then they will arrest you ass and put your face in the paper to mock you….what a BS chump change thing to do……but if you go ask guys like max keiser they say its god work to alienate and foreshake you…..just ignore all the bodies they pile up……we got wifi bitches fuck yeah wifi

dogismycopilot's picture

I hope he wins and then counter sues. If he were smart he would set up a go fun me page and milk this chance to become a millionaire. Dude use won the lottery?

headfake's picture

Just a jobsworth with a bit of power for 2 seconds and an ego that couldnt let it go….ie a tosser

Bay Area Guy's picture

Cutting people off and driving erratically?  Hell, they could pull about 80% of the population over for that out here.  California, particularly the San Francisco Bay Area, has some of the worst drivers in the country.  The only place that might be worse is Fort Lauderdale between about 4PM and 7PM, when the little old men and their little old wives go out for the early bird dinners.  Then it’s either 15MPH or 50MPH, pretty much nothing in between.

atthelake's picture

He cut her off, pissed her off and she arrested him. Malicious prosecution. Snowflake can’t handle being cut off. It appears SHE has a case of road rage and misused her authority.

ThanksIwillHaveAnother's picture

More likely she started it.   The biggest jack asses on the road are the unmarked “police” cars, worse than hood drivers.

LetThemEatRand's picture

Note that the cop says the guy cut him off and was “driving erratically.”   Assuming the cop is being truthful (I know, big assumption), he was expecting the blood results to come back with something.  It’s actually pretty common that people are charged with DUI before any lab work comes back, based on the observation of the cop.  A scene breath test only tests for alcohol, not drugs.  What’s bizarre is that the state is not now dropping the DUI charge.

Pickleton's picture

You dont actually believe that innocent until proven guilty bullshit, do you?


This bullshit A YEAR LATER proves guilty until proven innocent.  And it’s based on nothing but ‘because cop said so’ as the “evidence”.

css1971's picture

Oh jesus. There’s no “driving without due care and attention” law in California to catch all the arseholes? Come on.

RagaMuffin's picture


TwelveOhOne's picture

I know someone who had her doctor prescribe her pills.  She took them.  Got pulled over, ticketed, lost her license.  Now getting it back, and the ever-loving State requires her to put a breathalyzer in her car!

Yeah, because breathalyzers can detect pills.

Worst thing is there’s a monthly charge for the fucking thing, so her punishment is ongoing.  Doesn’t seem right to me, but what can I do?  Perhaps alerting the media might help?

To Hell In A Handbasket's picture

“but what can I do?”

By protecting the poorest and most deprived in society, it would have prevented such over-reach into the middle classes and beyond. It’s always incremental steps, otherwise called the Totalitarian Tip-toe. You start off on the undesirables, Niggers, Browns and Spics, as that will always get the endorsement of whites and by the time you realise it, these laws on the statute book we thought would be exclusively used against them, are ultimately used on us when the need arises. As a collective the general population are as dumb as fuck and TPTB know it.

To Hell In A Handbasket's picture

Dear Americans, please, please, please, do not laugh at these stories, but ACTIVELY and VOCALLY fight back against the ever increasing police state. This officer should be fucking reprimanded for her actions. Not just for her arrest and thus temporarily depriving this man of his civil liberties, but for charging him for DUI of coffee, in conjunction with the local D.A. The USSA was once a beacon to the world for freedom and democracy and has now become a pale shadow of what it once stood for. The USSA once knew the difference of Right and Wrong. Good vs Bad. Difference and Indifference To know where a nation is ultimately headed, one only has to look at how it treats the lowest of its social classes and poorest in its society.

Bill of Rights's picture

Ha ha ha ha who in their right mind would continue to live in that shithole of a State.

TheMayor's picture

Just one more reason to boycott California…I hope the whole thing falls into the ocean in a big earthquake.

SillyWabbits's picture

And the judge says, “Son, I find you quilty of being extremely wide awake at the wheel.”.

Sentence: Detox via Decafe.

wisebastard's picture

here in raleigh nc the police put these sings up that say its a speed enforcement zone……first time i saw one i knew it was safe to drive as fast as possible……….they are fucking idiots…..

presterjohn1198's picture

In California, we grow oranges, almonds and grapes; but we are most proud of our bountiful crop of morons.  Year in and year out, California continues to outdo itself in the quantity and quality of its morons, with ‘Guv’ Moonbeam raising the bar for imbecility.

hooligan2009's picture

bad driving should be an offence – not caffeine. may as well say that WATER is an influence as I have driven a lot faster when i n eed to go for a piss!

orangegeek's picture

The next step in the marxist state – the punishment is the process.


Let’s examine who gets paid for the “infraction”:


the cop

the station staff

the district attorney and their staff

Schwab’s lawyer (paid by Schwab)

the courthouse staff

the judge(s)

the “rehab” programs

the tow truck driver (paid by Schwab)


Who doesn’t get paid:



It’s a helluva racket and a new growth market / new form of taxation – very suitable for a place like California.  Big fat fucking goobermint just got fatter!!


SheepDog-One's picture

‘The Dept of Beverage Control’ and they drive around pulling people over in unmarked cars? Under what authority, who made them up? Pelosi the psycho? I’ve never even heard of it before.

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